You Might be a D-Bag if…

By Chris Gay

You Might be a D-Bag if…

1) …you think that when 30 people are behind you is the best time to order a quarter pound of every single kind of luncheon meat displayed in your supermarket’s deli case.

2) …the last championship won by the team you constantly brag on occurred so long ago that, if human, it could legitimately buy itself a beer.

3) …rush hour be damned, you’re going to rubberneck that flat tire change.

4) …you pull right out in front of an oncoming car, & then proceed to drive 20 MPH below the speed limit in front of it.

5) …your vanity license plate reads ‘IMA DBAG.’

6) …you pull into a parking space directly facing a parked car whose driver is clearly on the phone, and then sit there for no reason with your headlights on.

7) …you go out of your way to use a term like ”holiday carols.”

8) …while seated in any crowded audience, you’re perfectly okay with just letting your un-silenced smart phone ring until whatever point the caller decides to hang up.

9) …your car is covered with more lecturing bumper stickers than it is paint.

10) …you think the No Talking, Please message on a movie theater screen applies to everyone but you.

11) …you park your car less than a foot away from the driver’s side door of another car in an otherwise deserted parking lot.

12) …you hold an elected office.

God. The Devil. The Bet. The Fate of Mankind in the Balance. Check out Chris Gay’s new theological, paranormal crime thriller, Ghost of a Chance. What if a late 20th Century Jack the Ripper tearing apart a small Connecticut town was the result of a pancake shop bet between God and the devil? Imagine if Satan’s impact on the world in the new millennium hinged entirely on one police officer’s skill in hunting down a ruthless killer…hiding in plain sight. Detective Danny Seabrook is an unwitting pawn in a divine chess match with immeasurable consequences for all mankind. Set primarily in 1995, this action-packed suspense thriller features clever dialogue, humor and romance-with an ending you will never forget.

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‘Sherlock Holmes and the Final Reveal’ by Chris Gay

As the end draws near for long-retired Sherlock Holmes in Sussex Downs, he calls one last time for the company of his best friend and colleague, Dr. John Watson. What was meant to be four last days of camaraderie and reminiscing instead leads to the most shocking, explosive revelation both of the great detective’s career, and his life.

Sherlock Holmes and the Final Reveal is a Holmes tale like none other ever conceived. Fans of Baker Street’s legendary detective will be left with the insatiable need to contemplate its extraordinary conclusion forevermore.

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‘The Bachelor Cookbook: Edible Meals with a Side of Sarcasm’ by Chris Gay

The Bachelor Cookbook is the perfect (and likely only) addition to any guy’s collection of sarcastic culinary literature. If you’re between relationships and looking to make the most of whatever foodstuffs you’ve got until you meet that next special woman, then your prayers have been answered. Unless you’re an atheist; in which case coming across this book just means your luck was in today. For men looking for sustenance over style, I give you this spectacular cookbook. Well, I don’t “give it” to you, per se. You have to pay for it.

Featuring such taste-bud tempting recipes as:

Popcorn Salad

Meat on a Bed of Rice

Cheese and Crackers

Spaghetti Sandwich

Plus Miscellaneous Cookbook Humor, too!

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Chris Gay is an author, freelance writer, voice-over artist, broadcaster and actor. For 7 years he wrote and broadcast a daily, minute radio humor spot in Hartford, Connecticut. He’s been published nationally in Writer’s Digest and has written the paranormal, theological thriller novel Ghost of a Chance, Sherlock Holmes and the Final Reveal, (an original, extraordinary short story on the great detective with a spectacular twist) and four humor books: And That’s the Way It Was…Give or Take: A Daily Dose of My Radio Writings, Shouldn’t Ice Cold Beer Be Frozen? My 365 Random Thoughts to Improve Your Life Not One Iota, and The Bachelor Cookbook: Edible Meals with a Side of Sarcasm & Another Round of Ice Cold Beer: My 365 More Random Thoughts to Improve Your Life Not One Iota. He’s written and voiced radio commercials, authored both comedic and non-comedic freelance articles, scripts, press releases, website, media and technical content, done occasional radio color commentary for local sports, and acted in a couple of movies and plays. His website is chrisjgay.com, and his humor blog can be found at chrisgay.wordpress.com.

http://www.chrisjgay.com Author Page on Facebook Chris Gay Author/Writer/ Humorist on Facebook Ghost of a Chance on Facebook Sherlock Holmes and the Final Reveal on Facebook https://chrisgay.wordpress.com Twitter: @chrisgay13 Movies: 2012: Hope Springs (Barfly) 2009: Testimonies of a Quiet New England Town (Constable John Gilbert)

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