January 16, 2004
Congratulations on reaching your milestone first birthday. Celebrations such as this one often call for a gift of some sort in order to properly mark such a momentous occasion. So I hereby present yours. Oh, there’ll be no money. Instead, I offer you sound financial advice that will carry you far into the future.
Now I realize the temptation to think of yourself as both young and carefree may be overwhelming, but it’s never too early to start building a strong foundation. You may very well feel like you’re in the springtime of your life but, believe you me, those calendar pages start to fly by once they’re set in motion. And after all let’s be realistic, shall we? The odds of a viable Social Security still being existent in its present form by the time you become aged enough to be eligible for it are, quite frankly, not very much in your favor.
What to do then, you ask? Good question, Jaeden. Undoubtedly, you will be inundated with checks, cash and the like by various relatives as a token gesture commemorating your aforementioned initial birthday. All in all, not a bad deal, as all you really had to do was hang around for a year…Heck, you can’t even walk; how difficult could it have been? At any rate, you might consider some government bonds although, after careful consideration, you may find them a bit too conservative for your taste and age group.
Take care that if you decide to go the Mutual Fund route, you enlist the services of a decent financial adviser, and make sure to ask pertinent questions regarding tax ramifications. There’s nothing worse than investing the lion’s share of your funds into a vehicle that will only bring heartbreak when you discover the tax hit you’ll incur from the IRS for being under age 59 ½.
If college is your primary consideration, there are plenty of options available, if only you know where to look. Be prudent, ask around. Keep in mind that when the dust settles, it is you, and only you, who will ultimately bear the responsibility for your own financial management.
Oh, and if you’re counting on a pension, forget it. Most companies don’t offer them any more, and for the ones that do, they’re going the way of the DoDo bird.
Well, Jaeden, this concludes my sermon to you. Take heed and be wary of investing in fly by night and get rich quick schemes. The only tried and true method for becoming wealthy and successful is by laying the foundation yourself through hard work. There’s always somebody who is more than willing to separate you from your hard earned money. Ask your mother, as I’m sure she’ll back me up on this.
Best of luck on all of your future endeavors, and remember, you’re not getting any younger!
(When I first read this to my nephew at Age 1, he just looked at me as if he’d had no idea what I was talking about. (Though my sister laughed) Years later, when I read it to him again, he seemed to understand it much better and laughed, too. Of course, he’d learned how to talk by then.)
What if a late 20th Century Jack the Ripper tearing apart a small Connecticut town was the result of a pancake shop bet between God and the devil? Imagine if Satan’s impact on the world in the new millennium hinged entirely on one police officer’s skill in hunting down a ruthless killer…hiding in plain sight. Detective Danny Seabrook is an unwitting pawn in a divine chess match with immeasurable consequences for all mankind. Set primarily in 1995, this action-packed suspense thriller features clever dialogue, humor and romance-with an ending you will never forget.
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As the end draws near for long-retired Sherlock Holmes in Sussex Downs, he calls one last time for the company of his best friend and colleague, Dr. John Watson. What was meant to be four last days of camaraderie and reminiscing instead leads to the most shocking, explosive revelation both of the great detective’s career, and his life.
Sherlock Holmes and the Final Reveal is a Holmes tale like none other ever conceived. Fans of Baker Street’s legendary detective will be left with the insatiable need to contemplate its extraordinary conclusion forevermore.
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The Bachelor Cookbook is the perfect (and likely only) addition to any guy’s collection of sarcastic culinary literature. If you’re between relationships and looking to make the most of whatever foodstuffs you’ve got until you meet that next special woman, then your prayers have been answered. Unless you’re an atheist; in which case coming across this book just means your luck was in today. For men looking for sustenance over style, I give you this spectacular cookbook. Well, I don’t “give it” to you, per se. You have to pay for it.
Featuring such taste-bud tempting recipes as:
Meat on a Bed of Rice
Cheese and Crackers
Plus Miscellaneous Cookbook Humor, too!
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Chris Gay is an author, freelance writer, voice-over artist, broadcaster and actor. He writes and broadcasts a daily, minute radio humor spot in Hartford, Connecticut. He’s also written the paranormal, theological thriller novel Ghost of a Chance and three humor books: And That’s the Way It Was…Give or Take: A Daily Dose of My Radio Writings, Shouldn’t Ice Cold Beer Be Frozen? My 365 Random Thoughts to Improve Your Life Not One Iota, and The Bachelor Cookbook: Edible Meals with a Side of Sarcasm. He’s been published nationally in Writer’s Digest and is currently writing his fourth and fifth humor books, Another Round of Ice Cold Beer: My 365 More Random Thoughts to Improve Your Life Not One Iota and Something Witty this Way Comes; the latter being a collection of pieces written for his humor blog. His book Sherlock Holmes and the Final Reveal, is an original, extraordinary short story on the great detective. Also, he’s writing the Ghost of a Chance sequel Perdition’s Wrath, and has written and voiced radio commercials, authored both comedic and non-comedic freelance articles, scripts, press releases, website, media and technical content, done occasional radio color commentary for local sports, and acted in a couple of movies and plays. His website is chrisjgay.com, and his humor blog can be found at chrisgay.wordpress.com.
Hope Springs (Barfly)