Top 10 Reasons Americans Don’t Like Soccer

By Chris Gay

10 ) “Injuries” sustained during play are more fake than the ones the actors treat on the set of “House

9 ) Concept of game clock running up simply too difficult to grasp

8 ) Have trouble with the English translation of “Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooallllllllllllll!”

7 ) A 1-0 deficit in the 4th minute nearly insurmountable

6 ) After a bad call, chants of “kill the ref” are not necessarily facetious

5 ) Color-blind Americans can’t tell the difference between yellow and red cards

4 ) No Designated Hitter

3 ) The goal isn’t quite big enough

2 ) Penalty kicks simply too difficult to make

1 ) Please, somebody, just pick up the freakin’ ball

Chris Gay is a freelance writer, voice-over artist, and broadcaster/actor. He’s authored the supernatural, theological thriller novel Ghost of a Chance . (2013)  He also writes and broadcasts a daily, sponsored radio humor spot in Hartford, Connecticut, and has written three humor books: Shouldn’t Ice Cold Beer Be Frozen? My 365 Random Thoughts To Improve Your Life Not One Iota,  And That’s the Way It Was…Give or Take: A Daily Dose of My Radio Writings and The Bachelor Cookbook: Recipes with a Side of Sarcasm for the Single Guy. (2013) In partnership with KSpin Designs for the benefit of Melanoma research, he’s written Suesea Sunscreen and the Big Lesson. (2014) Currently he’s writing two sequels, Another Round of Ice Cold Beer: My 365 More Random Thoughts to Improve Your Life Not One Iota, & Perdition’s Wrath, (The Ghost of a Chance sequel) He has written and voiced radio commercials, authored both comedic and non-comedic freelance articles, scripts, and press releases, done occasional radio color commentary for local sports, and acted in a couple of movies and plays. He is the media and technical writer for the clothing company KSpin Designs.



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